Missing

So S. is going to leave, go back home. I wish him well, and find a slight irony that although he took longer he came to the same conclusions about Orangeandblackiastan as I did. He's talking about college too. I hope he does it, not because I want him to do as I've done, but because it will open so many more doors for him and help him avoid dead end jobs. Like the one he's getting out of, for example.

In the meanwhile, he's developed a strong hatred of trains. The mere sight can set him off. Now all they do is remind him of what he hates, of bad memories. It is not far from my own thoughts after I left. Even today, I still can't develop any interest in my former employer, and have a hard time giving a damn about any of the other companies either. My backdating of the layout is an attempt to try and put separation between it and any experiences I have, because TBOX boxcars and covered hoppers remind me far too much of Linnton. I get the creeps just looking at them. But I have no idea if the plan will work, and it may turn out that I chuck the towel in on it all. We'll see.

Back on topic -- he hates trains now, and I've rather lost my passion too. I can feel that changing a little. The layout is one example of that. There are others. I'm more and more interested in bootstrap companies like the MN, and I still retain a strong interest in the old-skoo railroading of the ancient narrow gauge grangers. But overall its gone, and especially the infamous former employer close to home.

Tonight, I was browsing some of my old posts here. Fuckin-A, over 245 posts -- this is post 246 I think. Anyway, I was reading back and saw a post about going out with the two maintainers to the W-line, sitting on Sheridan hill, smoking cheap cigars, drinking beer, and eating take-out pizza while the local rumbled through the settling darkness below us. That was a helluva day, and I miss that feeling, I miss that sensation. However, it is much like trips to Stevens with J. It's over, it has passed, and it is a time and feeling that will never come again. I miss it, but I know it won't be back.