From aboard Amtrak 500

So our train is really really late. I get to the station with a theoretical fifteen minutes to spare, and what has happened? UP has broken down in front of 500 somewhere near Salem, and we're not expected to get underway until 10ish. Ugh!

Of course, everyone at the station is jittery. I make the mistake of sitting on a bench next to a man who is trying to call other transportation options, as if Greyhound or a flight two hours later -- if he can even find a seat that quickly and cheaply -- will get him there faster. I, too, am bugged about the delay. I have to work at noon, and there's a chance we won't make it in time. But what can I do? I call my conductor for the day, and warn him I may be late, and why. I call DR to warn him as well. But what of it? it's all I can do, except read a dog-eared copy of The Simple Art of Murder and wait for the train to show up.

Then the Builder shows up. How many stupid people are there in the world? How many prospective passengers of 500 thought this train was theirs? They're obviously newbies, they never have seen a Talgo before, or they'd know these tall, silver, bi-level Superliners aren't their train.

But it gets worse. Business Class boards before coach, and sure enough as soon as the former began to board via the doors of "Gate 7", some of the same group of exasperated idiots began to gripe about how they were being left out, and how the crew was understaffed and didn't seem to care, and were ignoring them. (If I were 500's crew, I would've ignored these assholes too.)

So finally I have had enough, and I turn on one of them, and snipe, "They are Business Class, they are boarding early. They paid for that privilige." What I didn't say was, and you didn't, so stop whining.

"No-one is boarding early!" Retorts the forty-year-old snot-nosed brat.

I reply, "Yes, they are," pointing at the Business Class passengers on the platform. I'm sure the jerk was not all that cowed, but he was cowed enough to stop griping aloud. Working in C-Town I have a lot more confidence in exercising authority and was tempted to go further.

(What I wanted was to give him a tongue lashing on patience and how the rest of us had important things to do, and how I was losing money standing here waiting, so his delay was no more holy than mine and he could just sit there and display a little adult attitude and wait his turn.)

Of course, now as we begin to board, the line begins to form. I always stay in the forecourt beyond the gates, waiting to be last on board as the line passes me by. At this point, Senor Impatient from earlier -- who had been conspiring with the bitchy traveller I had put down earlier -- decides to make a bee-line for the line, and cut in in front of 2/3rds of the passengers. As if he's going to get to Seattle any faster by being an asshole.

I feel so sorry for the crew. They are doing their best, they can't do much about what UP does on their track.

(As I write this, I note a flier in the seat backs, behind the safety instructions nobody reads, noting that Amtrak has increased their security following the attacks on the London Underground by unknown terrorists. Nobody is reading the flyer either, except me. It doesn't say much -- increased police patrols, baggage screening, dogs, the usual CYA hooplah.)

So after I get on board, I find we have a passenger in car three -- fairly empty, but normally used for short-hauls to Kelso and Centralia -- who has no seat assignment. I ask her if she stood in line at the desk inside Union Station to get an assignment, and she stares blankly at me. After I describe which desk and where it was, she says, no, she did not. I then tell her to look for a conductor and he'll take care of her problem. As I begin to make a necessary description of what the conductors look like, a couple behind her say "He must be on-board service," and chuckle. I nearly told them I was, just not with Amtrak.

So now I am about five minutes out of Kelso/Longview, nearly an hour and a half late so far, hoping we have a leadfoot who will make up time, but so far being frustrated in that. By the time this gets posted, of course, I'll be home again, who knows what the next installment will bring.